


expansion and adaption: the manual

by Thri_here



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Humor, Kakashi shalt sip on wine, Not Canon Compliant, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, hello founders--meet technology, semi-based on reddit prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thri_here/pseuds/Thri_here
Summary: Sparks fly in the battlefield and Madara spots something he doesn't recognize.Wait. What the fuck are watches??orMadara and the re-animated Hokages'happyexcursion through the Kiri labs. There's Team 7 accompanying them obviously, and newly-chosen Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi would like to retire, thank you very much.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han| Team 7 &; Senju Hashirama, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito, Namikaze Minato & Senju Tobirama, Senju Hashirama & Uchiha Madara, Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Madara
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	expansion and adaption: the manual

**Author's Note:**

> [n real life people went from believing constructing a heavier-than-air flying machines is impossible to landing a man on the moon in less than a century and current records for the Olympics blows those from the 50s clear out of the water. the prompt is that basically the same thing happened to jutsu and ninja and while Madara stood head and shoulders above almost all his contemporaries that's no longer the case.
> 
> So, the bad guys bring him back to life for whatever reason and expect to have control over a demigod but Madara's just going "The fuck is this? The fuck are those!?"]
> 
> prompt by u/secretMollusk
> 
> so this was the prompt and I...sorta involved some people and it just _became_ this. It's pure self-indulgence but definitely fun. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

Uchiha Madara was now _alive_ , and all the Shinobi alliance could do was watch as the stronger back-up countered the man.

He kicked and summoned meteors, dancing through the battleground as if it was dance night at the _sharpened kunai_ . The other Hokage were trying their best, and the very next second everything _stopped_ for a moment as Uchiha Madara drew a particularly large fireball back into his stomach. The Kiri-kunoichi who he had suddenly lounged at (more like playing around with), Sanami, lowered her arms she had raised in defense and frowned.

The Uchiha Madara squinted at her, gunbai in hand.

"What is that?" he demanded, waving the disastrous gunbai around.

"W-What is...what?" Sanami choked out, swallowing thickly.

"That thing. Around your arm. " he circled his own wrist, still figuring out where to keep his gunbai, then repeated, " _That_."

Sanami slowly lowered her eyes towards her right wrist. There was nothing out of the ordinary...her slightly darker gloves? Did he spot that she hadn't washed it for about a century? A strange wave of offense washed over the Kiri kunoichi. He didn't need to be so _rude_ about it. It's not like he went around smelling gloves of to-be-dead-bodies.

"Madara!" the First Hokage called, "What's happening?"

"Shut up, idiot," Madara tsked, and a gasp rang throughout the alliance at the dismissal of his object of them, affection? obsession? You choose, "I'm waiting for the kid to figure out what that thing is."

" _Thing_?" Sanami huffed. If she was going to die, she wasn't dying with Uchiha Madara calling her lifetime-partner Glovsier names.

"Yeah, the...circle." he waved his hands around as if it made perfect sense.

She stared, then stared at her hand more. Other than the gloves...

"M-My _watch_?" she coughed out, "You're talking about my watch?!"

By now a few prominent heads had popped up--including the hero Uzumaki Naruto of the Leaf and the Great Medic Haruno Sakura who they had worked with extensively in the medical camps including a few Kage.

"It _is_ stupid you're carrying around accessories on the battlefield, brat," Madara shook his head, feeling the need to defend himself.

"It's not an accessory!" she retorted, weirdly offended that he would think so. She didn't want to impress Uchiha Madara but she didn't want to be, well, seen _that_ low, "It helps you figure out the time! Like a clock!"

Madara blinked, lowering the gunbai.

"Huh." he said.

"WHAT'S A CLOCK?" another head called from the battlefield, bulldozing his way through the Alliance. It was the Leaf's First Hokage, the instigator of all Shinobi Villages for Villages might have not been a concept at all before this man.

"Nooo! Don't come here!" Madara shouted back, hurling his gunbai at the First.

"But _Madara_ , I wanna know what's a clock too!" Lord Forbid--The First Hokage of Konoha, Senju Hashirama could not be whining _\--_

"No, get out." Madara growled, "You're a menace."

" _Madaraaaa_." On second thought, he _might_ be whining.

"Anija." The Second Hokage ground out, dragging a hand across his face.

"Don't you want to know what a clock is _too_ , brother?" Hashirama boomed, clapping his hands together, "You like making things so I thought you'd like it more, but _hmmm_ , on second thought it isn't anything forbidden so you might not be interested. Don't worry! I can make these clocks illegal for you!"

_Ooh, Low blow,_ Uzumaki Naruto, the hero-of-the-leaf commented from a corner.

"I'm afraid that's not how it works, Hokage-sama." a pale boy holding a paintbrush smiled eerily. He was promptly throttled by the Great Medic Haruno Sakura and ushered towards one of the tents by the Unofficial Sixth Hokage Hatake Kakashi.

"Shut.up." The Second Hokage glared, then said just to be petty, "My jutsu weren't forbidden before you _made_ them forbidden--so I'm not _only_ interested in forbidden ones, Anija."

Uzumaki Naruto whistled.

He was throttled too.

"CAN YOU SENJU FUCKING SHUT UP?!" Uchiha Madara scree--no, no, he couldn't be screeching, ha--then turned towards Sanami, "Yeah, so what's a clock do?"

Despite their arguments both the other Hokage fell silent, solemnly staring at the contraption known as a "watch".

"Uh," she began eloquently, uncomfortable with all the attention on her, "So, we have these numbers," she said, unclasping her grandmother's watch, "And these um, needles point at the time which we read. A watch is a miniature version of that. To um, carry around."

Madara nodded seriously, almost pressing his face against the thing. The brat said _numbers_ but...

"What are those _dots_?" he squinted, dangling it around, "Why are the needles showing dots?"

The Second Hokage stared with noticeable interest while the First collected bets on whether they'd figure it out or not.

"They're supposed to show number positions but you wouldn't know..." Sanami trailed off, and at the dampening atmosphere around the Great First Hokage, and the increasing aura of the Second getting ready to punch his own brother in the solar plexus without something to take his attention, quickly amended, "... _But!_ " --the atmosphere lifted and Uchiha Madara gazed back with expectant eyes, lowering the gunbai, "There's a large clock with numbers on the tower near the Mizukage Mansion!"

"ON TO MIZUKA--wait where was that again?" The First Hokage whirled his head at the spectators in question.

"No, look, I don't think it works that way--" the bare-chested, previously raven but now white-haired man pointed out, sensible.

"Kirigakure." The Unofficial Sixth Hokage Hatake Kakashi supplied cheerfully, enjoying the day's progressions. The other man glared threats of strangulation at him, which he waved off with a _Maa, maa, calm down, Obito-kun._

"I suppose we'll have to visit the Mizukage Tower." The Second Hokage informed grimly, not hiding the mad glint in his eyes.

"Y'know what, for once I don't think you're an ass, Senju." Madara nodded, ignoring the glower sent his way.

The First Hokage who had by now stopped placing bets cheered, "ON TO KIRI!"

"Wait." The Yellow Flash pointed out, noticeably keeping composure, "How do you reach there?"

"Got paper birds here!" Uzumaki Naruto waved, successfully kidnapping his friend, the pale man from the tent who was _still_ smiling eerily.

"And how do you suggest he makes enough for _all_ of them, dobe?" Uchiha Sasuke, The Traitor to the Leaf snapped, "It's obvious you're thinking of going too."

The Hero made puppy faces at the Great Medic, who finally caved with a weary sigh.

"Okay, let me think--" she placated, taking a deep breath, "How about you transfer your chakra?"

The blonde grinned like she had said something revolutionary, and sent a smug grin _the bastard's_ way before golden light poured out of his very soul.

The Traitor to the leaf eyed the Great Medic as if _she_ was the traitor.

The pink-haired woman shrugged.

"Will changing your title from Traitor to Avenger make up for it?" she asked. "Or your rank can be Avenger. Maybe above chunin? Pretty sure I can blackmail Kakashi-sensei into it."

This time _Uchiha Sasuke_ looked like she had said something revolutionary.

"Hn." he agreed, which could mean anything from _I don't know if that's a rank but I'm not asking_ to _Will you marry me?_

"NOW, ON TO KIR--"

"OH, SHUT UP, HASHIRAMA YOU'RE BLASTING MY EARDRUMS."

* * *

The warriors traveled across the skies and reached Kiri fairly easily by evening.

The infrastructure of Kiri had only been picking up after Terumi Mei's reign. Monitors were set up for communication in the war, and the Cryptoanalysis sector had been sent a note that some--ehem--prominent members of the Konoha administration (dead or alive) were to arrive. Any other information would be brought up in person.

They welcomed the birds from Konoha and one of the members shrieked.

Uchiha Madara along with the Hokage stared.

"What is _that_?" Uchiha Madara howled, comically pointing at one of the lit-up monitors. He then whirled his head to point behind the Hero of the Leaf at an antenna, "The fuck are _those_?"

One of the glass windows cracked along with a Kiri official's glasses.

"Uchiha, calm _down_." The Second Hokage massaged his temples.

"OH MY GOD IS THAT _THE CLOCK?!_ The First Hokage squealed like a little girl, throwing confetti that suspiciously looked like wood peelings into the air, "Oh _my_ God. Is it _always_ so big? Is that why you have a small one?!" 

"SHUT _UP_ , ANIJA." The Second yelled.

The First wilted.

"Now where were we?" he prompted Sanami.

* * *

"So I just put this thing here." Madara squinted, tongue resting on his upper lip in concentration, "Then it goes _KABOOOM_ without chakra?"

The genealogist resisted the urge to bang her head against the wall.

"No, no, Uchiha-sama," she shook her head, delicately balancing the vial where a raven strand of hair floated about, "DNA tests don't do," she paused, wringing her arms like the Uchiha did, " _KABOOM_."

Expression pinched, the Uchiha crossed his arms, deep in thought.

"Does _that_ go _KABOOOM_ without chakra?" he pointed at a monitor lighting up the Sixth Hokage's face, supervising--or pretending to be supervising _The Hokage & The Uchiha_ through the screen under a garish colored book while his friend, the other Uchiha stared suspiciously at Madara.

Her lab assistant, Kou, dropped down to the floor.

* * *

"Can you HE _AR me,"_ The First Hokage said, dancing around in his place the way big oak trees danced, "HELL- _LO_?"

Five hundred meters away Uzumaki Naruto made the universal _okay_ sign, waving around the radio.

"You're cool, dattebayo!" Naruto cheered, "How 'bout some ramen?"

Hashirama jiggled the radio around one last time, eyebrows furrowed and deep in thought. His eyes then snapped upwards.

"Do they have _electric_ ramen?" Hashirama's eyes shone, sparkles flashing in the background.

''No." now Avenger (in the name of not tearing up porn books) Uchiha Sasuke said blandly.

"No." Great Medic and long-suffering babysitter Haruno Sakura repeated. She pressed a hand to her diamond-seal, "How did you even think that up--" then cast her head downwards, bringing a hand up "No, no, don't answer that."

"Aw, but _everything's_ all electric." the Great First Hokage pouted, shoulders slumping, then he quickly perked up, "Can you charge it with the _zzzztttt_ bird thing juts--"

" _No_." Naruto cut in firmly, wiping the sweat of mortification from his temples.

_Anything_ but Ramen etiquette, believe it.

* * *

The vial was a necessity. Tobirama _had_ to get it. 

With a deep breath, he ducked, masking his chakra. It was _right_ there, slightly brushing one of the table's legs, only a few centimeters away from the Uchiha's ankles.

"What are you doing." the Fourth asked mildly, crouching down to his level.

Thankfully the Uchiha was a pyromaniac megalomaniac (wow, issues), and he didn't notice one Senju crawling around the table.

"Shut up." Tobirama hissed, "I need to run a few tests with his hair."

"Curse-of-Hatred level experiments?" Minato tilted his head.

" _No!_ " the Second looked offended, "Do you think I have nothing else to do, Lord Fourth?"

He finally grabbed the vial under the table and straightened in victory.

"You're trying to match it with... _blonde_ hair?" Minato frowned.

"Tsuna's." Tobirama mumbled, taking over the lab and terrorizing everybody else to get the hell out, then smirked darkly, "Now _you_ help me. We have a cheating bastard to find."

* * *

"THIS IS FUN _WHOO-HOOO--_ "

"This is literally just--"

"Am I jumping? Am I jumping in the game?" Hashirama grabbed the raven's shoulders and shook him.

Avenger Sasuke's eye twitched, shoving the Great Hokage with one hand.

"We," Sakura said, restraining herself from cracking her knuckles against something--preferably a Hokage's jaw, "are playing," she made a sweeping gesture, "with _LEGO_ blocks."

"I _made_ mine when I was younger so _excuse_ me." Hashirama pouted. Again.

"Whose bright idea was this again?" Naruto grumbled.

The other two stared.

"Oh." the blonde realized. "Uh," he smiled weakly, "At least this time it's got no electricity?"

The First was already tearing out the TV antennae for his dollhouse.

* * *

"I still don't get why there are three arrows," Madara informed, curling his lip in disgust.

He was hunched over a white console, glaring at the computer screen as if it would grow heads if he didn't.

"Those are buttons." Sanami said, fingers twitching, "Consoles. It's new. Expensive."

"But you only need to jump!" he protested, "Why is the taijutsu so _weak_ anyway?"

''Because they can't program a lot of move sets in." The Third said in the middle of a _hadouken_.

"Why are you good at this?!" Madara scowled, squinting suspiciously, "You're doing something! You're s'posed to be _old_ , brat!"

The Third Hokage sighed wearily, taking a long drag from his pipe. When the pipe left his lips, he smirked.

"I wasn't the professor for nothing."

An unholy screech was heard as the Uchiha _demanded_ he is taught this programming.

_Señorita_ played through the _The Hokage &The Uchiha_ monitoring devices, Obito clapping along to the music of his suffering.

Kakashi made sure to sip wine.

* * *

Hashirama bounced around with energy, throwing the laboratory door open. It was the _last_ door he had to open. So it needed to be opened.

His brother peered through his splayed fingers, crouching down underneath a barrier seal with the Fourth.

''Anija." He began conversationally, wild around the eyes, "You can't ban this. You're not Hokage. " he sought confirmation from the Hatake dozing off with a glass of wine on the screen, "Right, Lord Sixth? Earth to Hatake?"

"Right." The Uchiha boy with white hair said gruffly, miming The Great Sixth Hokage and pretending he was talking through the mask. "I am doing this seriously." he added hastily in the same gruff voice, "As Hokage."

Tobirama shot him a smug grin.

A slimy substance twirled on the lab table, it's ashen shades juxtaposed against the stark white of the table.

Lord Fourth covered his head, cloth muffling his warnings, "Go, go, don't look back. Go, it's coming, it's coming."

Kou, the assistant genealogist marched into the room--weakly, and took in the surroundings.

"I thought you were checking DNA matches?"

" _Bah_ ," the Second waved a hand around as if it wasn't a question worth asking, "Got distracted."

"Senj--" Madara stopped, inspecting the room.

He had come to take his vial back when the Kiri kunoichi's eyes darkened and she informed him that the liquid it was it was expensive. He wasn't going around owing people left and right. Disgusting.

"What the _fuck_." he completed for everyone in the room, eyes fixating on the massive blob swaying side-ways.

Hashirama's jaw dropped open, arm's falling weakly by his sides.

A panicked Naruto rushed behind him, calming down as he spotted the escaped First Hokage. Worry returned, however, when he realized that the man was way too quiet.

"It's gaining sentience," Lord Second said, picking his nails disinterestedly, "Interesting."

"What the _hell_ is interesting about this to you--" Madara began, his own hair gaining sentience.

"Shut it, Uchiha." Tobirama kept inspecting his nails, "It considers you a parent, so get out."

Minato continued scratching on his notepad, mumbling formulas, "The-cataclysmic-Uchiha-chambered-jet-black-howling-dance seems to be moving." He turned his head upwards, smiling apologetically at the flabbergasted Team Seven with the Hokage and Kou, "You might want to leave."

The words were barely out and Madara had already scampered up to floor B-29, working his feet as far as they could take him. However much he hated the Senju bastard-- _whoever_ hated the Senju Bastard-- _all_ of them got the hell out when he warned them to.

Sasuke closed the door along with strangled sighs of, "We _talked_ about names, Lord Fourth--" behind him softly, goggle-eyed.

He had been giddy to avenge with his new title when he heard the Uchiha. Unfortunately, though, he was then reminded that he was the only Uchiha.

"Reminds me of the days when I and Shizune made poisons." Sakura sighed wistfully, worried for her sensei.

The First Hokage twitched.

"Sometimes I'm glad I was with Orochimaru." Sasuke said solemnly. He only had to fight and give some blood.

" _What_?" the pinkette defended herself, huffing, "We were doing poisons!"

"At least we know how to shut him up?" Naruto jabbed a hopeful thumb at the First. His arms and jaw were still slack, eyes unfocused.

Blinking back into reality, a slow grin spread across Hashirama's face.

"I CAN MAKE POISONOUS FLOWERS TOO!" he announced cheerily.

The three groaned, Kou making a beeline for the exit to heave out the contents of his stomach.

The third Hokage stopped in his tracks at the sight of everybody exiting The Room, traumatized.

"I wasn't the professor for nothing...." he mumbled, steering right pointedly, away from the room and towards the sane genealogist.

* * *

"Good morning, Bakashi." Obito greeted, leaning on the doorway cradling a mug of coffee. He was wearing a large hoodie--walking around bare-chested was _cold--_ not to mention in _Kiri_ and nursed even larger eyebags.

''Evening." Kakashi corrected absent-mindedly, stretching.

"So you _know_." he glared, slamming a dog-ear-pattered mug of cocoa, "Now you keep watch. I sleep."

Formless darkness warped behind his shoulder, and Obito swerved his head to meet Black Zetsu's fist.

"What--the-- _hell_ , asshole," he spat, nursing a bruising jaw, "Aren't you the old man's will or something? He's playing on a console. Go the fuck back home."

"I just thought I should say goodbye to you first, Uchiha Obito-kun," Black Zetsu snarled, only to be cut off by a bolt of lightning.

"Ey, man, sorry for what's happening, dattebayo," Naruto called from a corner.

Sasuke roared merrily, "You have wounded an Uchiha!" he then turned to Obito, "I'll avenge you, leave it to me!"

He met Zetsu halfway with his blade, slicing the creature into two. It only became slightly deformed, sinking into the ground.

"...I'm...retiring," Obito announced, throwing his hands up.

"Me too!" Kakashi chimed in with an eye-smile.

"You didn't even start working, stupid Baka--"

"DO YOU NEED HEL _-LP_?" a voice laughed through the radio. One of the computer screens' had the First's face plastered on it, "I _SEE caMerA!"_ the radio crackled.

A pop-up showed that _TSUKYouMI_69_ had hacked into their system, and they could hear a maniac Madara cackling from floors above.

Obito turned back to the other white-haired man who was still eye-smiling. But a little more hysterical now.

"I get it." he sighed, "You get to come with me."

* * *

Hashirama hushed into his radio, "I see no traces in level B-29."

The wide floor had crackled ceilings and strange ashen slime sticking to it's windows.

'MADARA!" he exclaimed, as his friend squinted at one of the newer 'skyscrapers" in the distance, working away with a portable-computer-device, "You're will's being a pes--"

The First threw wary glances in all directions, moving his feet slowly. Footsteps silky smooth.

Wait, on second thought, the floor was too--

Black Zetsu shot out of the floor, one hand going through the raven's heart.

Hashirama gasped, hypothetical-heart-in-throat.

"Finally!" Black Zetsu cried, "Mother!"

A black blob swallowed him.

* * *

''Where is he!" Sasuke searched, "I need to avenge my cousin!"

They had received a weird radio signal from this floor.

The First Hokage was standing dumbly dab-smacked in the middle of the hallway with the same black substance--this time with Naruto's dad's (holy shit, now wasn't _that_ crazy)-hands wrapped around it. Most of his fingers were going through the thing, but he didn't seem to mind.

Near him, a very unimpressed Senju Tobirama stood, crossing his arms.

"No! You can't kill him!" The Fourth pleaded, "He's only--he's not even _two_ years old in monster years--" At a raised brow, he defended, "Call it paternal instincts, I know! Like I knew Naruto would be a hero!"

Naruto immediately decided to take Blackie's side too.

"This thing has sentience. We can see use it for Edo-tensei," Lord Second explained in a voice one would use with children, pinching the bridge of his nose, already frayed-nerves-breaking off, "We need the Uchiha back or Anija won't let anyone live in peace."

"That doesn't mean it has to go!" Lord Fourth cried protectively, cradling the black substance in his chest which was slipping through his fingers.

"Yeah, dattebayo!" Naruto supported, "I'd be like Cataclyasmic-kun without the yellow swing too! I mean, uh, without my friends and Iruka-sensei! "

The Avenger and Medic promptly throttled him.

"Would you rather someone _else_ go?" Tobirama scowled, narrowing his eyes pointedly at a blanched Naruto.

"Don't worry, Naruto," Sasuke whispered, "I'll avenge you."

The other two members shot him a wary glare. Sakura swore to sleep with one eye open.

* * *

Minato was slumped in a corner, Hokage robes draped over his shoulders while Sakura patted him on the back consolingly. She too, had been sad to see the first of her poison creations go.

"What do you _mean_ he wasn't my will?!" Madara was in the process of screeching, ripping his hair out.

"I don't know!" Tobirama snapped, "Unless you think Wills try to kill you!"

"You cold-hearted bastard!" the Uchiha shot back, chest puffing up in offense, "You could have some sympathy when you realize I've been following a not-Will around all the time!"

"MADARAAAA." Hashirama clung to his shoulders like barnacles on a ship hull, then cried, "You poor, poor thing."

"No, not like that." Madara sniffed, not letting the Senju fall off anyway. 

Clicks of packed suitcases were heard, and Kakashi dragged along a particularly heavy-leaf-patterned one behind him.

"Ah, Hokage-sama." Kou bowed, done with regurgitating. Again.

"Maa, maa, it's missing-nin-san to you," Kakashi regarded him with both eyes, sizing his up, "What do you think about being temporary Hokage?"

Kou laughed feebly, taking out a kunai to slit his own throat.

"Do you want me to avenge you?" Sasuke asked hopefully, and the lab assistant had almost completed the job when an older Uchiha caught his wrists.

Grabbing on to the younger Uchiha's elbow to keep him in line, Sakura shot their sensei's white-haired companion a look to show that she would pitch in all her savings as Great Medic _and_ her unborn daughter if he took care of their Hokage.

"I'll take care of Bakashi." Obito scratched his neck, "He's being stupid about the missing-nin thing."

" _I_ want to be missing-nin!" Madara announced, making a sweeping gesture at himself in an attempt to garner sympathy, "I've been following around _non-Wills_. My _whole_ life."

"It won't make it any less true if you keep repeating it, Uchiha." Tobirama scowled, ''And when were you _not_ a missi--''

"I'll let you take a vacation and have the Hokage sign your form!" Minato quickly raised a hand, "--if you give me a strand of your hair." 

Glassy baby blues turned to the Second pitifully.

"The-cataclysmic-Uchiha-chambered-jet-black-howling-dance?" he asked in a small voice, shooting Tobirama a hopeful look.

The Second pinched his nose, letting out a slow breath.

"Can I be dispelled now?" he held his head in his hands.

Loud clangs echoed throughout the room, the Second Hokage promptly conjuring up a wave of water. The explosion spilled into the room just as the others got out of the way. It seemed to be aimed at him--and at closer inspection it was _electricity_ , fizzling and reacting with water.

The rest of the room stared quietly at the singed Second, pretending not to hear the tea kettle noises.

"I made it go _KABOOOM!_ " Madara declared triumphantly, with one leg up on the raised lab tables. ''Without the light thing!'' He looked around for the genealogist to prove his victory, spotting the bastard Senju drenched and burnt instead.

"Warm your cold heart up a bit, _Senju_." he sneered smugly.

" _UCHIHA_ \--" Tobirama growled, pulling at his own hair, "If," he _gritted_ his teeth, " _If_ you weren't dead already, I would be _ripping_ you apart--"

Water arose from thin-air, Hashirama getting ready to stop a fight with his mokuton if it came to be--

Said Uchiha was knocked out of his perch on the raised table with a sickening crunch.

Madara winced, rubbing at the back of his head. His Sharingan flashed, and he swerved his head expecting to bash the Senju against the wall when--

slow, bubbling pink substance wobbled from the previously green vial.

Tobirama blinked.

Previous anger apparently forgotten, the Second whipped out a notebook from one of his pockets, while Minato stared with hearts in his eyes.

Team Seven ran for their lives--Sakura heaving up a faint Naruto on her back and knocking Sasuke out from offering Tobirama revenge.

''T-Take care of sensei--'' Naruto croaked, feebly extending a hand and slumping into the pinkette's hold.

Kou heaved the contents of his stomach. Again.

Obito patted the poor lab assistant on his back, pointedly looking at Kakashi so that he didn't shunshin out.

"The-cataclysmic-Uchiha-chambered- _fluffy-pink_ -howling-dance..." MInato breathed, voice barely above a whisper, and he sniffed, "And my second-favorite color too."

"Protect it this time..." Hashirama said faintly, patting him on the back, only remembering that it had swallowed down Black Zetsu.

Madara was ready to faint.

Anytime now.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you like it? :)


End file.
